Ah, 2005. The United States was knee-deep in its war crimes in Iraq and Afghanistan, Hurricane Katrina ravaged the Gulf Coast, Deuce Bigalow ravaged Europe, and I was unleashing unforetold damage to my mental-wellbeing by playing some fucked up game on AddictingGames in computer class. Serving as a backdrop to this wonderful era of history was the critically eye-rolled Crazy Hits by none other than ringtone sensation Crazy Frog himself.
You may ask – why now? Why are you reviewing this album 15 years later? Well, that’s actually your fault. If you remember, several months ago I had asked you the Instagram follower to choose which terrible 2000’s album I would review in a bracket series. Life got ahead of me, and believe it or it, somehow I put this review on the backburner. But fear not, for I am sticking to my promise and giving you the review you deserve! Below are the entries (as chosen by you) and results of the bracket – you are legally prohibited from getting mad at me for the inclusion of Arcade Fire or Mudvayne, do NOT sound off in the comments below.
So as you can see, there was a real hankering for the end-all, be-all opinion piece on this album, so naturally I set out to find the easiest way to tackle this beast. There were apparently regional variants of this album. For the purposes of this review, I will be considering the tracklist on Spotify as the official album. Yes, someone put Crazy Frog on Spotify, and yes people listen to it regularly… ready for this? Crazy Frog has roughly as many monthly listeners on Spotify as Mastodon. If you’re not too depressed after reading that sentence, let’s get into the review shall we?
Mr. Frog’s biggest crime on Crazy Hits is being fuckin boring. Your memories of “Axel F” and ringtones (only 2000’s kids will remember ringtones – nostalgia is SILLY!!!) may lead you to believe this album would be front-to-back cringe. Nah. It’s mostly just middling 2000’s electronica with middling production.
I would be lying if I said the whole thing was boring though. The subtly titled intro track “Intro” actually got me pretty hype. It really set the tone for what could’ve been an electronica rock opera of some sort. But unfortunately this frog secreted most of his creative juices on the album’s first two tracks. Sure, call “Axel F” “cringe”, or whatever buzzword aging millennials are stealing from zoomers and beating to death these days, but this song rocks and goes as hard as your middle school self remembers. If I have to get technical, I would point out that some areas of the song’s production are lacking. For example, there’s this weird hiss in the “what’s going on” sample. But overall, yeah, it’s not hard to see why this dumb song got popular.
The song “Popcorn” starts off great, but then Mr. Frog does his best Les Claypool impersonation with a manic scatting solo. On Frog’s cover of “Whoomp (There It Is)”, he really shows off his vocal range. Here he sounds like Yoshi after too many uppers. The cover loses its charm quickly though, and thus begins Crazy’s bout of writer’s block.
After the first few tracks it becomes all too clear that whatever production company is propping C. Frog up is really fuckin’ lazy. Many of the tracks in the album’s latter half just sample vocal takes from “Axel F”. While this deranged amphibian may have blacked out in the booth for the album’s smash hit, it’s clear the magic could not be replicated elsewhere. Songs like “Bailando” and “Don’t You Want Me” see the Frog bringing guest talent to try to carry the deadweight, but the repetitive beats make these songs utterly forgettable.
Wait… repeating the same thing over a bunch of songs, disturbing CGI… where have I seen this before? Oh God, Crazy Frog is proto-Jony Jony isn’t it? Yes papa, even the song “Magic Melody” sounds like it could be the musical accompaniment to some creepy CGI baby being scolded by an even creepier talking inanimate object.
Crazy Hits is neither crazy nor full of hits. The craziest it gets is with the experimental closing track “Crazy Sound – A Cappella Version”. Here Crazy Frog himself once again blacks out in the booth and goes through his entire vocal arsenal in this track’s three minutes. It’s a fitting way to end the album I suppose, bringing things to a close by thrusting the listener into a hellish fever dream. Other than that and the first two tracks, I will repeat myself like Crazy Frog has so many times and just say this album is unremarkable mid-2000’s electronica drivel.
Honestly this was better than having to review Trapt or brokenCYDE. So you see, dear reader, it is not I who has been owned, nay, it is YOU who have been owned! I’ll be bringing back the album review brackets for 2021, so look forward to more hard-hitting music journalism from yours truly.